Right, so me guts was playin’ up somethin’ fierce. Tried all the usual; chewed on some dodgy roots, slapped a moldy poultice on me tum, even necked a pint o’ the hard stuff. Nothin’ worked. So I hobbled down to ol’ Doc Spachemin. He squints at me through them cracked spectacles an’ says, “Classic case o’ gut-rot, innit? Proper cure’s ten gold”
“Ten gold? I ain’t got that kinda dosh! I’m skint as a povvo with a gamblin’ problem.”
But the doc, seein’ me clutchin’ me belly, leans in an’ whispers, “Tells you what, mate. Got a special brew. Snake oil, they calls it. Kills the pain, perks you right up, even sorts poison. Just a silver.” I shoulda asked questions. But me guts twisted again, so I chucked him the coin an’ downed the muck in one go.
Blimey, for a bit, I were cured! No pain, no tiredness, not even a whiff o’ the rot. Felt like I could arm-wrestle a troll. I were thinkin’ I’d pulled a fast one on fate. But then the magic wore off. Next thing I know, me bones start crackin’, an’ I’m stretchin’ out longer than a banker’s lunch break. I looks down an’ see scales! “DOC,” I hiss (still got me voice), “WHAT’SSS THISSS THEN?”
Doc Spachemin takes a step back, adjustin’ them spectacles. “Ah. That’d be the, uh… slight chance o’ minor side effects. Eh, look on the bright side, you’re a talkin’ snake! Prolly good money that!” I lunged at him, but snakes ain’t got legs, so I just sorta wobbled about like a drunk eel. He shrugs. “Tell you what, next greater restoration potion I nick, it’s yours… half off.”
Snake Oil
Potion, Uncommon
When you drink this potion, you gain 1d8 temporary hit points. Furthermore, diseases, exhaustion levels and the poisoned condition are suppressed for up to 10 minutes. When the potion’s effect ends, roll 1d4. On a 1, you are permanently polymorphed into a giant snake until a greater restoration spell or similar effect is used on you. You can still speak while the effect persists.
Check out last week’s item: the hat of disgust.
