I finds her blubberin’ by the swamp, all snot-nosed an’ huggin’ this foul hat like it were her last copper. “Me coven chucked me out,” she wails. “Said me hat’s too disgustin’!” An’ she ain’t wrong; the fing’s drippin’ green, smells like a dead rat’s armpit, an’ got more holes than me granny’s teeth. But her? Loves it, she does. Won’t scrub it, won’t ditch it, but still whinges ‘bout her sisters. Stupid hag.
Night comes, an’ she’s snorin’ away, all curled up round that grotty hat like it’s her baby. Me? I ain’t sentimental. A gobbo sees a chance, he takes it. So I nicks it. The slime squishes between me fingers, an’ I near pukes, but I hold me breath. It’s gotta be magic right, belongin’ to a hag an’ all? Makes folks sick just lookin’ at it.
I legs it deep into the woods, chuckin’ the hat in a spike-bush where no one’ll ever find it. Let her miss it a bit, then her sisters’ll take her back. Hats come an’ go, but covens? Them’s family. ‘Sides, I ain’t keepin’ no stinkin’ hat covered in throbbin’ pustules. I got standards.
Next time I sees her, she’s cacklin’ with her coven, hat-less but happy. She don’t spot me. Good. Happy hags make happy bogs.
Hat of Disgust
Wondrous Item, Rare (Requires Attunement)
This hat is covered in crud and slime that cannot be washed off. As an action, you can create an area of illusory disgusting smells, sounds and images in a 30-foot-radius around yourself. Creatures of your choice must succeed on a DC 15 Wisdom saving throw or be frightened of you for the next minute. A creature can repeat this save at the end of its turn. Once this feature has been used, it cannot be used again until the next dawn.
In addition, whenever a creature within 5 feet of you hits you with a melee attack, you can burst a pustule on the hat. The creature must succeed on a DC 15 Constitution saving throw or be poisoned until the end of its next turn. Once this feature has been used, it cannot be used again until you use an action to fill one of the hat’s holes with bodily fluid.
Check out last week’s item: demonade.
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