‘Twas a tipsy day when I found it half-buried in the muck behind the butcher tent. Looked like an ol’ busted cart wheel at first, all grimy iron and splintered wood. Ya gotta climb in it, get your feet on the bars, and start running. Feels like your legs got firebugs in ‘em. First time I did it, I went too fast, smashed into a rat stand, sent pickled tails flying. I’m laughing, they’re cursing, and I’m still rolling. Couldn’t stop if I tried. Then I hit the wall—the big one round’s the boss’s pit—and instead of crunchin’ flat, I’m climbing it. Feet still pounding, and I’m upside-down on the ceiling looking down on the whole stinkin’ clan.
Now, I ain’t no thinker, but I’m no dulltooth neither. Grizz and Skunch already asking too many questions. “Where’d you find that, Brog?” “Can I get a turn, Brog?” No. No, ya can’t get a turn. Get yer own magic wheel, ya shovelheads.
I’m running through ‘em now, hah! Ran down Ketch’s whole crew last raid. Didn’t need no rusty blade, no spear, no trap. Just me and the wheel, crunch-thump-crunch as they scattered. Felt dang good, too.
The wheel’s all mine. I’ll ride it to the top, over every trapper, moonlighter, and backstabber that thinks he’s got my number. Let ‘em come. I’ll roll ‘em all down to paste!
Wheel of Misfortune
Wondrous Item, Very Rare (Requires Attunement)
While using the wheel, your movement speed is increased by 10 feet. You can move up, down, and across vertical surfaces and upside down along ceilings. You also gain a climb speed equal to your movement speed.
If you move at least 20 feet in a straight line, you can immediately use a bonus action to make an unarmed strike against a creature within 5 feet of you. On a hit, you deal 1d6 piercing damage for every 10 feet you moved in a straight line immediately prior to the unarmed strike, and, if the creature is Large or smaller, it must succeed on a DC 15 Strength save or be knocked prone.
Check out last week’s item: the bananaramarang.
