I’d had enough. Every bleedin’ day, another neck on the block, another mess to mop up. Me good leather apron were more red than brown, and the stains never came out proper. The lads down at the pub called me “Drippy,” on account o’ the way I left puddles o’ blood wherever I sat. It were embarrassin’, innit.
Then this fancy merchant rolls into town, all smug n’ dressed in fancy silks. “I hear you’ve got a bit of a cleanup problem,” says he. “Lucky for you, I’ve got just the thing.” He pulls out this sad-lookin’ axe handle. No blade, just wood. “The Headless Headsman’s Axe!” he says. “Cuts right through the soul, leaves the body tidy.”
I squinted at it. “That’s a club,” I said.
“A magic club,” he corrected.
I should’ve walked. But the thought o’ not havin’ to scrub another floor, not havin’ to explain to the missus why me sleeves was stiff with gunk. I tossed him the coin. “If this is a swindle,” I growled, “I’ll test it on your neck.”
He just winked. “Give it a whirl.”
Next mornin’, first prisoner of the day. I raised the handle. Felt daft, I did, but I swung anyways. The bloke dropped like a sack o’ turnips; not a mark on him. Dead as stone. I stared at the clean block, then at the “axe.” Then I laughed so hard I near pissed meself. The lads’d never call me “Drippy” again.
Headless Headsman’s Axe
Weapon (Any Axe), Uncommon
This axe deals psychic damage instead of slashing damage. When you deal damage to a target that has the restrained condition with this weapon, you deal an additional 1d8 psychic damage.
Check out last week’s item: the bow staff.
