The sun slinked away, shadows gettin’ long. Good. Dark were best for me work. Crouched behind a bush, me fingers itched. Farmer Grumple’s tomatoes right there, fat and red, mocking me. I’d been watching ‘them ’em for days. Tonight was the night. No more waiting.
The fence weren’t no problem. I’d dug a hole under it weeks ago. Smart, eh? I wriggled through, dirt scraping me belly, and popped up in Grumple’s garden. The tomatoes were close. Then I clocked it. The gnome. Stupid thing with a hat as pointy as its sword. He’d called it a guardian gnome. Ha! I’d heard the stories. Built by gnome wizards to scare off kobolds. But I’m no kobold. I’m a goblin! Better. Stronger. Faster. Right?
I reached for the biggest tomato. Me mouth waterin’. Then—BAM! The gnome’s magic flared, and suddenly the garden was full of glowing chickens. Chickens! They squawked and flapped, right in me face. I swung me arms, shooing them, but me hands went right through. Illusions! Stupid gnome magic. I growled and lunged for the tomato again, but it turned into a rock.
I grabbed a stick and swung it at the gnome. It snapped in half mid-swing. Stupid gnome. Fine. If it wanted to play, I’d play. I closed me eyes and stretched me fingers out; no illusions to distract. I snatched me two tomatoes and bolted for the fence. As I wriggled back through the hole, I could hear Grumple yelling. I grinned, clutching my prize.
Guardian Gnome
Wondrous Item, Rare (Requires Attunement)
As an action, you can speak the command word and place the gnome on a solid surface. Creatures of your choice within 30 feet of the gnome gain 2d6 temporary hit points. For the next minute, the gnome cannot be moved and you can use a bonus action to activate one of the following abilities:
- You can cast the minor illusion or prestidigitation spell.
- You can give a creature within 30 feet of the gnome half-cover until the end of its next turn.
- You can give a creature within 30 feet of the gnome advantage on Intelligence, Wisdom and Charisma saving throws until the end of its next turn.
After a minute has passed, the gnome cannot be used in this way again until the next dawn.
Check out last week’s item: the belt of belting.
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